Easily Distracted

My husband suffers from a little thing called ENFP. (That's his Meyers-briggs personality type, not a disease.)

While we were dating, I found Mike's excitement over every little thing to be endearing. Having the complete opposite personality, he was attracted to my level-head and ability to be calm and rational in any circumstance. Soon after we married, though, we found ourselves saying things like, "Can you not analyze every idea I have?" ... "Can you use your brain for once?" ... "Are you passionate about anything?" ... "Can you just finish one thing that you said you were going to do?!" And this is what brings us to today's post...

My husband is easily distracted.

This little blurb describes my personality type: ISTJs decide logically what should be done and work toward it steadily, regardless of distractions. They can usually accomplish any task once they have set their mind to it.

And this describes my husband perfectly:

My husband has lots of incomplete projects and many more great ideas that he never even started, but one that comes to mind first is our bathroom remodel.

We started the remodel in June of 2011. I remember because that's when I opened my Twitter account. I figured it would be a fun way to document the progress of our little project. A few weeks in, I thought I was making a funny joke:

Actual finish date: August 2012.

(I blamed the baby because I was too busy child-rearing to help with the remodel, but we all knew the real culprit was Mike's ENFP.)

The bathroom looks awesome now (and, more importantly, is no longer a Petri dish for mold/mildew):

please enlarge this photo and note the amazing job he did with tiling the shower stall (reflected in the mirror)

I am so appreciative of my husband for giving our family a safe and fun place to bathe and do our business. However, the bathroom remodel is technically still incomplete (and may very well remain that way forever).

Exhibit A: air vent cover
Estimated time to install: 30 minutes
Estimated date of completion: June 2013 (when we move downstairs and the girls have lots more unsupervised access to this bathroom)

Exhibit B: door
Estimated time to refinish: 1 hour
Estimated date of completion: never

Exhibit C: butterfly grips in bathtub
Estimated time to remove: 2 hours
Estimated date of completion: August 2013 (when the girls start bathing together in the big tub instead of individually in the baby/toddler tub)

In case you're wondering: I could forgo writing this post and complete one of those tasks right now. I have the ability and could surely make the time. But, my husband promised me that he would do these things. Therefore, I have determined to give him space to follow through on his word. Also, it gives me something to reflect on while I answer nature's call; my husband is wired differently than me (he values people and ideas, while I highly value the completion of important tasks) and that's okay.

I am telling you all of this so that you can understand how much of an accomplishment it is when my husband actually finishes something involving routine or mundane tasks.

Last September, Mike decided he was going to run a 5k. Although he didn't train for it as seriously as I would have liked him to (ISTJ motto: "Anything worth doing is worth doing well!"), I was still so proud of him for even doing it!

right after he finished the race!

He concluded that it was a really fun experience (not to mention good exercise) and started dreaming about his next goal. Talk of future 5ks, marathons, and triathlons stirred about in our house for the next several days.

He had his heart set on trying the Pittsburgh Adventure Race next, but then a couple of our friends started talking about running in the Pittsburgh half marathon. They invited him to join and he excitedly registered (having people to train alongside was apparently very motivating for him)!

They started training in February and it has been a tough journey, to say the least. It was a much bigger time commitment than he had anticipated. Running on the treadmill (when it was too cold to run outside) was boring for him. He skipped a whole bunch of the recommended workouts. And there were many times that he stated he was not going to do it anymore. My response was always somewhere along the lines of, "That's too bad. You paid $90; you're doing it." 

Fortunately, I wasn't the only one advocating for his success. Our friends who were also training for the event were much more gracious in their support. And Mike's good buddy from college contributed an encouraging comment to almost every facebook post Mike made about the half marathon (love you, Co-in-law!). Many others have been a source of encouragement to him as well.

Well, not only did Mike finish the half marathon, but he ran (er, jogged) the entire race! No walking!! Needless to say, I am incredibly proud of my husband for accomplishing his goal! I'll let these photos from the day fill in some of the details...

before the race... super excited!

during the race... super encouraged (by our signs and support, of course)!

 I'm pretty sure the signs that Kirstin made were a huge encouragement to every runner that day.

after the race... super exhausted!

so proud of my man!

half marathon finishers... so proud of all these kids!

Cats vs. Dogs

Even though we have a cat, I would consider both Mike and myself to be dog people. I love beagles and think bulldogs are awesome and pretty much any breed of puppy just melts my heart. Plus, dogs are a lot more fun than cats. Still, I think it's pretty safe to say that we would both prefer not to have any pets at all. Our cat(s) (we used to have two, but our friend killed one of them while we were on vacation) have really been more of a burden than anything else.

But this post isn't really about pets; it's about affection. I heard it explained once that some people are like dogs (they want lots of affection and they want it all the time) and others are cats (they want affection sometimes, but if you try to touch them when they don't want to be touched, they will bite you).

I am a cat.

And, then there's Mike... If he is in a good mood, he could go for a hug and a kiss. If he's in a bad mood, he could go for a hug and a kiss. If I do something nice for him, he will hug me and kiss me. If I make him mad, he expects an apology and a hug and a kiss. If he apologizes for something he did, he expects forgiveness and a hug and a kiss. If he is excited about something, he will hug me and kiss me. If he feels embarrassed, he will want a hug and a kiss from me. You get the idea...

...And you're probably thinking That sounds great! What wife wouldn't want that kind of affection from her husband?

I am that wife.

This photo was taken about eight years ago, back when I had awesome pink glasses.

Actually, I really do enjoy hugs and kisses from my husband; just not under the following circumstances:

When there is an audience. If you have seen Mike and I kiss and/or hug, you should know that I was incredibly uncomfortable by your presence and I probably yelled at Mike for it later. Our wedding day was stressful. Please stop with the clinking glasses!

Addison's been hanging on me all day. I enjoy giving and getting affection from my kids. But if I hear the phrase "Mommmmy I want uuuuup" in a whiny three-year-old voice too many times, I will hide in a closet for the rest of the day and let my kids fend for themselves.

Nursing a baby or pumping breastmilk. During the act, obviously, but also one hour leading up to and one hour after (those are estimates, I don't set a timer or anything). Right now this isn't a huge factor as I only need to pump 3-4 times a day. But those first couple of months after the baby was born when I was nursing or pumping pretty much around the clock, I was more like a lion than a cat. Come near me and you'll probably die.

When I'm in a bad mood. Particularly if you were the one that put me in that bad mood.


Are you a cat person or a dog person? Are you a cat or dog when it comes to giving and receiving affection?

If you're an introvert, marry an introvert

I am an introvert and my husband is an extrovert. He always wants to be out doing things, where there are loud noises and lots of people. One time he asked me when I thought they would fix a pothole down the street and I was like, what pothole? because I hadn't left the house in three days.

Going into our marriage, I was prepared to compromise in this area. I would go out with him sometimes when I would rather stay home and he would stay home with me sometimes when he would rather go out. And other times He would go out with his friends and I would stay home and do something awesome, like scrapbook, by myself. And all would be well in the Brown household...

But what I was not prepared for was the fact that his extroversion is never satisfied; it actually appears to increase as it is fed. When we come home from a social gathering (I was tempted to put "party" here, but who are we kidding), I usually want to curl up in a corner and die, but he wants to go right on spending time with me as though making small talk with a bunch of strangers for the last two hours was not the most exhausting thing he's ever had to do. Not only that, but if we are home at the same time on any regular day, he wants to be in the same room as me at all times, preferably talking to me.

Once he told me he thought it would be fun to work together so we could see each other all of the time... I love my husband more than any other person in the world, but just the thought of this makes me want to take a nap.

I totally understand where he's coming from though. He likes being around people and I'm his favorite person so it makes sense that he would want to spend most of his time with me. But I only like people in small doses and if I want to have any other relationships, that means even less energy spent on him.

As a result, he feels like I don't really like him and I feel like a horrible mate, if we're not together as much as possible or engaging with each other at all times when we are together. It is exhausting and a near constant source of conflict in our marriage. Although it helps to talk it out (just because I don't want to spend every waking moment with you, doesn't mean I don't love you, blah, blah, blah...), my advice remains: if you're an introvert, marry an introvert!

It's not always rainbows and butterflies... but sometimes it is!

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Do you and your significant other have conflicting personality traits?