Tuesday, April 2, 2013

If you're an introvert, marry an introvert

I am an introvert and my husband is an extrovert. He always wants to be out doing things, where there are loud noises and lots of people. One time he asked me when I thought they would fix a pothole down the street and I was like, what pothole? because I hadn't left the house in three days.

Going into our marriage, I was prepared to compromise in this area. I would go out with him sometimes when I would rather stay home and he would stay home with me sometimes when he would rather go out. And other times He would go out with his friends and I would stay home and do something awesome, like scrapbook, by myself. And all would be well in the Brown household...

But what I was not prepared for was the fact that his extroversion is never satisfied; it actually appears to increase as it is fed. When we come home from a social gathering (I was tempted to put "party" here, but who are we kidding), I usually want to curl up in a corner and die, but he wants to go right on spending time with me as though making small talk with a bunch of strangers for the last two hours was not the most exhausting thing he's ever had to do. Not only that, but if we are home at the same time on any regular day, he wants to be in the same room as me at all times, preferably talking to me.

Once he told me he thought it would be fun to work together so we could see each other all of the time... I love my husband more than any other person in the world, but just the thought of this makes me want to take a nap.

I totally understand where he's coming from though. He likes being around people and I'm his favorite person so it makes sense that he would want to spend most of his time with me. But I only like people in small doses and if I want to have any other relationships, that means even less energy spent on him.

As a result, he feels like I don't really like him and I feel like a horrible mate, if we're not together as much as possible or engaging with each other at all times when we are together. It is exhausting and a near constant source of conflict in our marriage. Although it helps to talk it out (just because I don't want to spend every waking moment with you, doesn't mean I don't love you, blah, blah, blah...), my advice remains: if you're an introvert, marry an introvert!

It's not always rainbows and butterflies... but sometimes it is!

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Do you and your significant other have conflicting personality traits?

6 comments:

  1. I'm not married, so I'll pathetically share an example from the past weekend with my parents. When the three of us got home from going out to dinner, my dad bolted straight for the garage to tinker on something alone, I went straight to the couch to read something alone, and my mom followed me, sat literally at my feet, and continued the conversation (really a monologue) she was having in the car. She drove me CRAZY all weekend, because she ALWAYS wants to talk! We just ate dinner together, I need at least an hour of solitude, thank you.

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  2. Am I always the first one to comment on your blog posts?

    This sounds just like us - except I'm the extrovert and Ben is the introvert. So we totally resonate with the "coming home from social gatherings" thing. I want to process the whole evening, out loud, together, until I'm finished...and Ben wants to sit in the other room, alone, and read a book.

    I actually think a marriage of both an introvert and an extrovert is great...the extrovert pushes the other to be a bit more outgoing, while the introvert pushes the other person to shut up and leave them alone :)

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    1. And there Sara goes, ruining my shot at being first by posting 2 minutes before me.

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    2. Get your act together! Sara is beating you, 2-1, for first comment on a post. Also, it appears you guys are the only ones that read this blog. No worries - I will continue to write for your enjoyment!

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  3. I've been loving reading your blog Chellee. Anyone think I'm crazy for saying that I feel as though I'm converting into an introverted homebody? I always used to be the chatty socialite of our wedded dynamic duo, but as I age (which I really am starting to feel old these days) I'm finding I prefer relaxing in solitude over hanging out with people. I even have these times when I have a socialization countdown to a time when we have plans to hang out with friends and I start getting anxiety about it!? I always come home glad that I went...but my mentality has shifted into really appreciating quiet and peace. Pretty sure that's not a bad thing! Right!??!

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  4. This blog is great. I think I'm an introvert with extrovert tendencies. I like going to parties, I just get tired afterward...I need to unwind with a glass of juice...

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