I choose favorites.

I've never been very good at small talk, but I've managed to figure out over the years that asking "what's your favorite ____?" is a common way to engage someone in conversation. During my attempts at socialization, I've learned that not all "favorite" questions are created equally...

Some of them lead to an inevitable dead end:

Me: "What's your favorite color?"
Other Human: "Pink."
Me: "Cool."
Other Human: "What's yours?"
Me: "Purple."
Other Human: "Neat. I wonder what those people over there are talking about."

Others lead to incredibly deep discussions and lifelong friendships:

Me: "What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?"
Other Human: "Mint chocolate chip."
Me: "Mine, too!"
Other Human: "OMG!! We are, like, TWINS!" [It's amazing how excited some people will get when they find out you have a favorite something in common.]
Me: "Crazy. What do you think about mint chocolate chip ice cream that isn't green?"
Other Human: "I like it as long as the mint tastes good. Some mint chocolate chip ice creams taste super fake... I've actually found that the bright green ones are usually the worst."
Me: "We ARE twins!! Let's be best friends forever!"

And then there are those which summon immediate rejection:

Me: "Which one of your kids is your favorite?"
Other Human: [walks away]
Me: I guess she didn't hear me.

I have a favorite offspring. If you've spent more than ten minutes seconds with me in the past eight months, you probably know which one it is.

But, before anyone judges me as a horrible mother, let me explain: I have a current favorite child. The title could be stripped away and rewarded to the other less emotionally exhausting girl at any given tantrum. Besides, Addison held the title of favorite child for a good two years and nine months before Montgomerie came along. It was about time she stepped down from the throne, right? ... Okay, I digress. My justifications are no good; go ahead and judge me.

What I really mean though, is that I have a favorite age/stage. Allow me to describe what my children are like from birth - 3.5 years (since that's all I've experienced so far) to help you can gain a better understanding of my favoritism. Please note that these ages/stages are not universal as some babies start walking right out of the womb (I'm looking at you, Pennie Bowlin).

THE AGES/STAGES OF ADDISON AND MONTGOMERIE BROWN*:

0-3 months: Not sleeping through the night. Enough said.
3-6 months: With the need for constant attention, but the attention span of a goldfish, trying to keep a baby entertained at this age becomes utterly exhausting after approximately four seconds. They also still take naps three times a day, but are no longer able to sleep well on the go, making it impossible to leave the house. Ever.
6-9 months: This is where the stars align, my friends! Montgomerie is ready to explore the world beyond Mommy, but she is too fat to do anything about it. She just sits there on the floor, contentedly examining the tastes and textures of her toys as they are handed to her by Big Sis. As long as her belly is full and diaper is dry, she is good to go (or stay, rather). She also still sleeps as much as a newborn, but condenses it down to the nighttime and two long, glorious naps. She will eat anything I give her and her little personality is really starting to show now.
9-12 months: With the onset of crawling, eyes must be glued on the baby at all times to make sure she doesn't try to eat a small rock that my husband, cat, or 3-year old left in the middle of the hallway. FOMO kicks in about this time and the baby starts rejecting that second nap, which means I have to give up mine as well.
12-15 months: The baby is walking now. Which is even faster than crawling.
15 months - 2: The sweet, innocent baby is no longer a baby at all. All signs point to toddler; most of them are warning signs.
2 years: She can't quite communicate her needs clearly, which leads to frustration and tantrums. Also, potty training.
3 years: The terrible twos have grown into the terrifying threes. Now, Addison can communicate clearly, but chooses not to, which leads to even more frustration and tantrums...mostly by me. Her little personality isn't so little anymore. She has suddenly become the pickiest eater on the face of the planet (the only food groups she will eat from are fat and sugar). FOMO is now in full force and she refuses to sleep. Ever.

*This chart is not exhaustive. I could probably think of at least one good thing that is unique to each age/stage if I tried really hard. Feel free to challenge me sometime :-)

Don't be fooled by her big smile. There is no happiness.

She will be three one day. I think she's doing an evil laugh.