Montgomerie's Birth Story (Intro: Choosing a Plan)

The girls who have been planning their weddings since they were in diapers might disagree, but I feel like I put a good amount of effort into making my wedding day special. I didn't know much about weddings at the time I got engaged (and Pinterest did not exist yet), so I did mostly just go with the advice of the experts or choose the first thing that sounded good to me. But still, it was a lot of work to put it together.

Our wedding day turned out to be a pretty good day. A few things went wrong: I got caught on my dress walking up the steps at the altar, the [mostly decorative] straps on my dress unsnapped during our first dance, and the DJ couldn't find the music for the father/daughter dance. But, for the most part, things went smoothly and I was pleased with the result of my tireless planning.

fancy, fancy!

The best parts of the day couldn't have been planned though. It was the nervousness that I shared with my dad before walking down the aisle; locking eyes with my groom for the first time and seeing his excitement to marry me; watching my friends make fools of themselves on the dance floor. Those moments are what made the day memorable for me, not the color of the bridesmaid dresses.

So a couple of fights into the marriage, I started to wonder why I spent so much time and energy preparing for my wedding (which lasted approximately six hours), and started wishing I had spent more time and energy preparing for my marriage (which would hopefully last the rest of my life).

Pretty much the same story can be told about the birth of our first daughter, Addison. We didn't know much about giving birth at the time and, again, mostly just followed the advice of the experts. We went to a Lamaze class and learned all about breathing techniques and how to tell that you're in labor. We discussed holding off on medication as long as possible, but decided we were okay with getting an epidural at some point. We felt as prepared as we could be for the birth of our baby.

Well, the day went about as smoothly as we could have expected. My water broke before I had a single contraction, so we just strolled on over to the hospital and I was induced. We relaxed in our birthing suite for several hours, waiting for the contractions to kick in. They arrived with a vengeance (apparently pitocin can do this sometimes) so I got an epidural pretty much right away. The labor sped quickly from there and I barely had to push to get the kid out. It was a great first birthing experience.

our sweet alien-child!

I couldn't have planned or prepared for the most memorable parts of the day though. It was my husband's nervous excitement when I woke him up to tell him my water broke; his support and comfort as we endured each step of the day; the joy/fear/wonder/excitement/disgust that I felt when seeing my little girl for the first time. Those emotions and moments would have existed whether we had a planned c-section or a home water birth.

So a couple of days later, when we were home with a baby and realized that we had no clue what to do with her, I started to wonder... Why did we spend so much energy preparing for a birth and literally no time preparing for a baby?!

Don't get me wrong, I think it's important to be prepared for labor and delivery, just as I think it's important to mark the momentous leap into marriage with a wedding celebration (which requires some element of planning and preparation). But I can't seem to wrap my head around why those events are built up so much in our society. It just makes more sense to me to focus all of that time and energy on marriage and parenting rather than on weddings and birth plans.

I'm not judging anybody who thinks or does differently, but I wanted to introduce Montgomerie's birth story by explaining why we chose the birth plan that we did. It may seem apathetic or uninspired, but that's because it pretty much was. This time around, we decided to spend our time and energy leading up to the birth on preparing for a baby. Stay tuned to find out how our casual approach worked out for us! [Spoiler alert: a baby was born]

You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Who is Jacob Bononcini?

Before Jacob moved in with us back in August, I knew just three things about him: he was a Christian, he was Mexican (despite his Italian surname), and he was gay. After nine months of sharing a bathroom, I still only know those three things. But, now I know them with a little more depth...

He's gay - I don't think it's any coincidence that Addison has developed the sass of a teenage girl in the nine months since Jacob moved in with us. Her level of diva immediately doubles anytime he merely walks in the room. The most frequent phrase out of both of their mouths used to be "oh my gosh," but then we told Addison she's not allowed to say that anymore. Now she says, "we don't say that, Jacob," every time he says it, which is about twenty times a day. 

He's Mexican - My Co-RA in college was gay and his dorm room was squeaky clean and very well organized. So when I agreed to let Jacob move in with us, I thought "it's going to be great to have someone else in the house with my standards of cleanliness!" Let's just say nationality trumps sexual orientation in this area.

He's a Christian - Jacob has "found Jesus," as they say. His faith is raw and genuine and being around him makes me want to know Jesus more. He thinks it's funny to call me "mom" because even though I'm only a couple of years older than him, I'm technically his host mom. I proudly call him my brother and I'm excited to see how God works in his life this coming year as he ministers through Cru, and all of the years after that.

Here's a cute video that Addison took of Jacob (co-starring Montgomerie) :)

Sidenote: I asked Jacob what three words he would use to describe himself and he said "outgoing, cute, and funny." hahaha sorry ladies, he's not attracted to you. Also, sorry to the fellas, as he is practicing celibacy. And when he reads this, he will surely say, "oh my gosh, I hate you! I could die right now!" That's what you get for insisting I blog about you!

Do you know Jacob? What three words would you use to describe him?

Cats vs. Dogs

Even though we have a cat, I would consider both Mike and myself to be dog people. I love beagles and think bulldogs are awesome and pretty much any breed of puppy just melts my heart. Plus, dogs are a lot more fun than cats. Still, I think it's pretty safe to say that we would both prefer not to have any pets at all. Our cat(s) (we used to have two, but our friend killed one of them while we were on vacation) have really been more of a burden than anything else.

But this post isn't really about pets; it's about affection. I heard it explained once that some people are like dogs (they want lots of affection and they want it all the time) and others are cats (they want affection sometimes, but if you try to touch them when they don't want to be touched, they will bite you).

I am a cat.

And, then there's Mike... If he is in a good mood, he could go for a hug and a kiss. If he's in a bad mood, he could go for a hug and a kiss. If I do something nice for him, he will hug me and kiss me. If I make him mad, he expects an apology and a hug and a kiss. If he apologizes for something he did, he expects forgiveness and a hug and a kiss. If he is excited about something, he will hug me and kiss me. If he feels embarrassed, he will want a hug and a kiss from me. You get the idea...

...And you're probably thinking That sounds great! What wife wouldn't want that kind of affection from her husband?

I am that wife.

This photo was taken about eight years ago, back when I had awesome pink glasses.

Actually, I really do enjoy hugs and kisses from my husband; just not under the following circumstances:

When there is an audience. If you have seen Mike and I kiss and/or hug, you should know that I was incredibly uncomfortable by your presence and I probably yelled at Mike for it later. Our wedding day was stressful. Please stop with the clinking glasses!

Addison's been hanging on me all day. I enjoy giving and getting affection from my kids. But if I hear the phrase "Mommmmy I want uuuuup" in a whiny three-year-old voice too many times, I will hide in a closet for the rest of the day and let my kids fend for themselves.

Nursing a baby or pumping breastmilk. During the act, obviously, but also one hour leading up to and one hour after (those are estimates, I don't set a timer or anything). Right now this isn't a huge factor as I only need to pump 3-4 times a day. But those first couple of months after the baby was born when I was nursing or pumping pretty much around the clock, I was more like a lion than a cat. Come near me and you'll probably die.

When I'm in a bad mood. Particularly if you were the one that put me in that bad mood.


Are you a cat person or a dog person? Are you a cat or dog when it comes to giving and receiving affection?

Screen Time

When I took Addison (my three-year-old) for her most recent well-visit, one of the questions the pediatrician asked me was how much screen time I give her each day. I quickly responded with "one hour." Whoops. That was a lie. What I meant to say was that she had watched one hour of TV that day, because that was how long she had been awake before we needed to leave for her appointment.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends zero screen time for kids under the age of 2. When I first heard this, I laughed, because I thought it was a joke. We failed to meet that recommendation with Montgomerie while we were still in the hospital! If she's being a fussy pants for no good reason (i.e. hungry, tired, dirty diaper) and the only thing that will get her to be quiet for twenty minutes is to watch The Lion King with her big sister, then guess what? Hakuna Matata.

This photo of my girls watching TV together also showcases my inability to follow safety guidelines, as the bumbo seat is on a raised surface. Aren't they sweet with the hand-holding though?!

We do make some attempt to follow AAP guidelines. As a result, Addison generally gets to watch TV any time her little sister goes down for a nap. You may be thinking that seems like an excellent opportunity for some one-on-one time with my oldest daughter, but I prefer to spend that hour pretending neither of my kids exist.

Here are the top 5 things I like to do while Addison watches TV:

1. Watch my own show on the iPad (we tried it reverse once, but I was watching some medical drama like House and i looked over to find her staring at the TV in horror as a man's insides were being dissected...)
2. Check my email, stalk people on facebook, or write a blog post such as this one
3. Take a nap
4. Take a shower (I usually choose a nap over a shower though)
5. Housework (I always choose any or all of the above over this)

If you're an introvert, marry an introvert

I am an introvert and my husband is an extrovert. He always wants to be out doing things, where there are loud noises and lots of people. One time he asked me when I thought they would fix a pothole down the street and I was like, what pothole? because I hadn't left the house in three days.

Going into our marriage, I was prepared to compromise in this area. I would go out with him sometimes when I would rather stay home and he would stay home with me sometimes when he would rather go out. And other times He would go out with his friends and I would stay home and do something awesome, like scrapbook, by myself. And all would be well in the Brown household...

But what I was not prepared for was the fact that his extroversion is never satisfied; it actually appears to increase as it is fed. When we come home from a social gathering (I was tempted to put "party" here, but who are we kidding), I usually want to curl up in a corner and die, but he wants to go right on spending time with me as though making small talk with a bunch of strangers for the last two hours was not the most exhausting thing he's ever had to do. Not only that, but if we are home at the same time on any regular day, he wants to be in the same room as me at all times, preferably talking to me.

Once he told me he thought it would be fun to work together so we could see each other all of the time... I love my husband more than any other person in the world, but just the thought of this makes me want to take a nap.

I totally understand where he's coming from though. He likes being around people and I'm his favorite person so it makes sense that he would want to spend most of his time with me. But I only like people in small doses and if I want to have any other relationships, that means even less energy spent on him.

As a result, he feels like I don't really like him and I feel like a horrible mate, if we're not together as much as possible or engaging with each other at all times when we are together. It is exhausting and a near constant source of conflict in our marriage. Although it helps to talk it out (just because I don't want to spend every waking moment with you, doesn't mean I don't love you, blah, blah, blah...), my advice remains: if you're an introvert, marry an introvert!

It's not always rainbows and butterflies... but sometimes it is!

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Do you and your significant other have conflicting personality traits?